We had his memorial and internment at the National Cemetary yesterday, which is probably why it is all really hitting home now. People ask me how I'm doing and in general I'm doing fine...yes I have those moments when I just break down in big sobs and my heart just aches. These times are typically when I think about things that he didn't get to do or finish or when I think of some question or piece of advice that I would seek from him and boom it hits me that I can't ask for his advice anymore. I know that eventually these aches will fade but for now, even a month later, I still feel fragile (if I can borrow a term from my mom).
The service yesterday was really moving...and I thought it wouldn't affect me as much as it did (even though on the drive over to my mom's house I started crying and just kept asking to get through the day and I'd be alright). We had an Honor Guard present my mom with a flag and then they played Taps, which I've heard thousands of times, especially on the A&M campus, but yesterday....whoa...it brought the house down. We then had a friend of my parents speak a few words about dad and his life and that was it. Dad was never one for a big to do, and I think we honored him in the way he would have wanted it.
After the ceremony at the Cemetary we all headed back to my mom's place where she provided a luncheon of bar-b-que served up with a side of laughter. My uncle, aunt, and three cousins were able to make it in town from Tucson, Kansas City, and Portland so we had a great time catching up and laughing and telling stories. We could not have asked for a better day. And I didn't realize until today, when I took a two hour nap, how draining all those emotions had been.
But, we are moving on at this point. Yesterday was the first stop on the Dick Dodds Farewell tour. So, do I miss him? At times, yes, very much but I know that part of him is always with me as I am very much my father's daughter.