Wagon Status

Just a short note to give an update on where I am regarding getting back on the wagon o' health.

1. I've walked the Stanford Dish 3 times this week and have noted that since the first time I walked it, I have improved my time by 15 minutes. My goal is still to get it done in under and hour, which I am 3 minutes away from doing. After I've managed to do that, I'm going to start doing two laps, hopefully.
2. I'm very jealous of one of my co-workers who left the company yesterday. She told me that she sat down and thought back over the past 5 years to determine what job she had that made her the most happy. She said that her new position would allow her to come in to the office, sit at her computer, put on her headphones and just power through test scripts and documenting what issues occurred. No managing other people. No being on call. Man, I want a job like that where I don't have to deal with all the stupid questions that people come to me with. In that context, I've updated my resume and am scanning the monster.com and careerbuilder sites as needed. (Never mind the fact that when I was looking at a job on careerbuilder this week it somehow had a virus attached and then infected my work computer, but whatever.)
3. Through my friend Angie's Facebook site, I've been surfing through some of her friends' pages and am very impressed with all the artsy people out there that have actually made that part of their life work. I'm working on that. I'm working on a business plan to get my quilts out into the public eye and possibly sell some.
4. I've pulled out my Osho Zen Tarot cards and they keep "telling" me that it is time for change or change is on the horizon...maybe here really is something in that.
5. The biggest and hardest part for me is shutting out the voices in my head that keep telling me that I can't do it and that I'm going to be a disappointment. But that one is being beaten into submission, so hopefully it'll go away soon as well.

Anyway, that is the update. I appreciate everybody's support and filling of the love-tank.

Getting BACK on the Wagon

So, I woke up this morning out of a dead sleep having a full-on anxiety attack. I probably should have known that this was coming, but I wasn't quite prepared for it. Three hours later, the ringing and buzzing in my head has stopped, but I'm still working on getting my heart rate to slow, but that will happen in due time (of course the coffee that I got on my way into the office doesn't help!).

The reasons that I think I'm probably going through this right now are all over the map, but most of them surround the fact that I had such a negative day at the office yesterday and that I've fallen off the healthy eating wagon. I was so annoyed yesterday and didn't want to face another day of annoyance today, that I almost opted to not come into the office (it has been awhile since I've taken a mental health day). But that really isn't something I could do in good conscience since my boss is out of the office this whole week. Plus, I want to walk the Stanford Dish after work as I know that will be very helpful to my condition.

But you may be saying to yourself, "What does ABBA intend to do about this to address it in the future?" Well, let me tell you....

1. Walk more, everyday, if I can.
   
2. Avoid negative people. After spending the weekend with some of the happiest people, I find myself very envious of their lives and want a piece of that for myself.
   
3. Learn to say "no". This is a tough one. It isn't something I do well. The Queen left me a big NO sign for my wall, but I still can't seem to form the words.
4. Eat better. I admit, I've been hitting up the fast food again. So, that means stocking up the freezer with more Lean Cuisines, since I don't cook no matter how many times I try to think I'm going to.
5. Drink more water. Lots more. I have the big bottle sitting on my desk, I just sorta forget to drink from it.
6. Really, really find another job where I can just sit at my desk with my headset on, listening to music, and focus in on my task at hand. I have to remind myself that I don't want to be management and that the battles that have to be fought at work are not always MY battles to fight.
7. Stop letting everybody else's issues and problems become my issues and problems.
8. Stop feeling guilty when I'm not constantly plugged in. I need to remind myself that if I want to spend the whole weekend in my jammies working on quilts and not speaking to a soul, that it is okay to do that.
9. Stop listening to the negative voices in my head. Trust me, this may be the hardest thing to do. I have a terrible inferiority complex and suffer from social anxiety disorder, so this is way harder then some people can imagine.

There are a number of other things that I probably should list, but I think if I can tackle those low hanging fruits first (walking, water, and weight) then the other things will slowly come around.

I'll keep you posted.

ABBA at the Renaissance Faire....

I only wish I has some pictures to post along with this, but I only took a few on my own camera and haven't moved them to the computer yet, but here is the play by play, or a close proximity of a play by play.....

For those of you who aren't aware, my best friend from high school, Angie (and yes, she goes by Angelia but she will always be Angie to me) lives in San Jose. I was completely unaware of this until about 6 months ago when we found each other on Facebook (we had not been in touch in probably 20 years). She is married to a wonderful man, Seamus, and they both are very involved in the Northern California Renaissance Faire. They typically work at the faire, but this year they opted out of working as Angie is 7 months pregnant. They were nice enough to invite me to join them at the faire this past weekend and to spend the night at their house.

I arrive at Angie and Seamus's house Friday and they welcome me with open arms, which I promptly throw all of my stuff into and give Angie a big hug. Friday night we just hung around, did fun domestic stuff like grocery shopping and having dinner, and then we headed down to the basement, which functions as Angie's walk in closet and I am SOOO very jealous of, to pour me into a bodice and skirts in preparation of going to the faire in costume. After much hemming and hawing, we locate one that will work and Seamus cinches me in. We all agree with the look, I learn how to breathe (or not), sit, walk, and function while wearing a corset/bodice, and then we take it off and put on jammies to head to bed as we need to get a good night's sleep in preparation for the next day.

Saturday, we get up and dressed, get cinched and tucked and what not, we gather together all of the accouterments, grab the flasks (because believe me, you can't function out there without a little Parrot Bay in your system) and head off....all the way to Starbucks. The three of us are quite the vision as we stand in line for our mocha and carmelmachiotto, and whatnots. A few people ask, "Are you off to the Renaissance Fair?" and with humor in her voice and a glint in her eye Angie pipes up and says "What? We dress like this everyday!"

Finally, we are on the road. We arrive at the grounds, pile out of car, and finish putting on the final touches to our wardrobes. I get my final cinching up, belt, fan, flask, and flowers for the hair. Seamus puts on his belts, pistols, sword, flask, and god only knows what else he had on. Angie, puts on her wings (she makes beautiful fairy wings, check out her work at On Gossamer Wings).

Finally we are at faire, and this is where things become a complete whirlwind for me due to the sensory overload. But here are a few things that I recall that I liked and didn't like:

Things I Liked:

• Everybody was incredibly nice and welcomed me
• Black-Cherry hard cider
• I felt, almost, like I fit in there
• Meeting new friends
• Spending time with great friends
• Corsets/Bodices...These things are great. I never thought I would say that, but, This was the first time in my memory where I spent all day on my feet and my back wasn't killing me by the end of the day. The thing not only get the girls high and mighty, but it was wonderful support for my back.
• Steak sandwiches
• Dancing with some complete stranger, to no music besides our laughter, in the middle of the muddy path (me = sober, him = not so much)
• The cute boy that we never saw again....

Things I Didn't Like:

• It rained, not just a little spitting and sprinkling, but a complete downpour, luckily we took shelter in one of the clothing booths.
• Dealing with Port-a-potties in two skirts, a long chemise, and lots of stuff around my waste
• Mud, but only because I was slipping and I was worried about Angie slipping and I understand that the mud is better than the dust
• Not getting to see any of the shows. Darn it, I guess this means I'm gonna have to go back!!

At the end of the day, we were kicked out because we did not have passes to stay for the after-hours, and it is my understanding that the after-hours activities are when the real raunchiness begins. We went to a local restaurant for a bite to eat before we hit the road. Driving back, I dozed in the backseat and could only hear the faint murmurings of Angie and Seamus as they drove home.

That night I slept like a baby, basking in the glow of a wonderful adventure. While I've marked one more thing off my list of things to do before I die, I've added one more thing to my list of things I want to do again.

Angie and Seamus and all of your friends at the Faire, Thank you!!