Friday, December 21, 2012

Perfect Ending

Yesterday I had the perfect ending to the perfect day. To start with the day was just generally a bad day. It started off bad when I woke up at 3:00 AM thinking the Ross Perot, the one time owner of my company, had passed away. I know, weird but I still got up and Googled it just to make certain that I had not suddenly been blessed with psychic abilities and foresight. Next, the day just went bonkers because it is approaching the holidays and pretty much all of my team took the day off, which means that is the day when everybody needs I was crazy busy switching gears all day long.

The one thing that I was looking forward to was getting together with my group from church to have a potluck and celebrate the Winter Solstice. I was to pick up a meat and cheese plate. I, of course, waited until the last minute to do this and was sorely disappointed in my selections, however, I found something at the grocery store, grabbed it and ran.

The church is about a 20 minute drive from my house, so I left in plenty of time as I wanted to get there early and help set up. I had brought some candles as I thought that would be nice to help set the mood. However, that was not to be. As I'm driving along at about 70 miles an hour, I start to hear the wubba wubba sound that just keeps getting louder. I at first thought it was a car next to me that was passing me but soon realized that there was nobody there. My car then started to handle strangely, which I initially thought was just the wind pulling it, however, I quickly realized "nope, that ain't the wind". I was a little over a mile from my exit and decided that I could make it as I didn't want to pull over on the side of the highway in the dark. Therefore, I put on my hazards and eased over to the right hand lane and eventually made it to my exit. I saw ahead a Quaker State sign that was all lit up with lots of cars and thought "Oh Yay! A garage right where I need it!!" Turns out that it was a restaurant. (Who knew that there was such a place a Quaker Steak and Lube...)

I get out of my car and walk around to look at the tire expecting to see a flat....It was completedly shredded and I had been driving on the rim. Luckily a nice lady approached me almost immediately and offered her husband up as pit crew.
You will notice in the picture that the tire is still on the car....or rather the rim is ther and the tire is sort of wedged up under the car.

I was so happy to have this person come and change my tire, and another couple of folks offered assistance, which is one reason why I am very happy to be living in Texas and the South where there are still lots of gentlemen out there to always offer a hand. The manager from the restaurant came out as well to see if I just needed air, as they have a air machine on site for free, being a car themed restaurant and all. He quickly realized, and chuckled, that obviously air wouldn't do a whole lot of good at this point. So he offered some coffee to warm me up. I declined as I'm not a coffee drinker.

As my good samaritan worked on my tire, I took the following picture of the path of destruction that my car left as I was pulling into the parking lot:
Yeah, that whole black streak is my tire dissentigrating.

After the tire was changed my GS and I took the car over to the air pump and the men gathered to get air into my spare and make certain that I was okay to head off. I offered to buy my GS and his family dinner, which is what THEY were there for, but he refused and told me to be on my way and be safe and that I would be spending that money on a new tire instead.

I then made it to my church thing about 20 minutes late and then started shaking. Needless to say, this morning I will be heading back to the Firestone place to have them replace this tire and make certain that the other tires are all fine as well. You will recall that I only purchased these tires at the end of September (New Tires).

Anyway, thank you to the nice people who helped me out. I really don't think I could have done that all on my own. I will definitely be sending good karma out to you and will pay this all forward. We have to remember to look out for and take care of one another....

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Losing Loser

Well, I've officially hit the point where I've gained back all the weight that I lost last year...hopefully, though, I'll be able to stop the progression. Wait, not hopefully....I WILL stop the progression. I lost that weight by taking a physician prescribed pill, which was basically legal speed with the added bonus of having an appetite suppressant...I didn't learn anything from being on that program and as soon as the medicine stopped.....well here we are.

I'm addicted to weightloss programs and I go into them with great expectations...only to sabotage myself within 24 hours. I recently attempted a new program that focuses on your metabolism and hormones and getting everything in balance. It requires a lot of supplements and protein drinks and a very strict menu. I've been trying it for about two months now and have yet to make through an entire day without cheating. It is killing me....

I came to the realization yesterday that it really wasn't worth me continuing to spend the money for the supplements and all KNOWING that I'm not going to follow the program. I walk out of there KNOWING that I'm going to cheat. When I came to this realization I mentally smacked myself in the head and admitted that I have a big problem. I then went home and started looking at Overeaters Anonymous (it is the Alcoholics Anonymous program but for food). I really know that I have a problem as I sat there and looked through their website while eating a can of frosting....yes, spoon in hand eating frosting reading about how I have no power over food....and I started to cry...again.

Today I'm at a point where I don't really want to participate with my family at Christmas...and it isn't because I don't love them and don't want to see is because I know there will be pictures taken and conversations had and I will feel like a failure and a fraud. I know that my family will read this and I know that they love me no matter what and that they just want me to be healthy and happy. And I know that most people don't understand my problem with food....hell, I don't understand my problem with food. I really do not understand why I can't stop eating....I just know that I can't seem to have "just one" of anything. I know that I don't need or want anybody saying to me "do you really need that? haven't you had enough? should you be putting that in your mouth?" Those phrases just push me over the edge and cause me to feel horrible guilt and will drive me to binge when I'm alone. If I'm out with you, let me monitor myself; let me beat up on me without added pressure.

Therefore, I'm taking the first step in the Anonymous playbook and admitting that I have a problem and there is no quick fix or miracle pill that is going to help me. I know that I need to stay focused and continue to admit that I have a problem and find a healthy way to address it. I've also rejoined Weight Watchers....again. Maybe this time I'll stick to it....maybe. I'll keep you updated.