Monday, August 27, 2012

August Blog Challenge Day 27

Today's challenge is to post a picture of myself as I was last year and how I am now and then document how I have changed since then. Well, I'm not going to do that....My Blog My Rules!...besides, I think there has been more than enough pictures of me posted in the recent past.

I will, however, document how I have changed since last year. 

I will start off with sort of recapping my year. This time last year I was the Team Lead for my current team. I was traveling to Washington DC every other week and failing miserably in both my work and personal life. I took the leadership position thinking that it would be a smooth hand off and that I would actually be productive in the position. However, due to circumstances that I really do not want to hash out here, nor do I really think I want to ever revisit them, I was actually a pretty ineffective leader. And, because of the travel that was required, I was coming home worn out and unhappy. The weeks that I was home were unproductive on a personal level because I was so very stressed about the work situation. Luckily, come November/December time frame decisions were made that led to my demotion (see Celebration!!). It took a while for all the moving parts to click into place and for the stress to be removed from my plate, but eventually it was. 

My Dad got sick, though he is now on the mend, but that struck home with me that my family is so very important to me and I need to work harder to spend time with them. I mean, I moved back from California so I would be closer, and yet I still don't see them as much as I should. 

I then had the opportunity to do some wonderful traveling through Europe last spring, which was so amazing and I will not go into detail here as it has already been widely documented. 

In the recent months, I have made an effort to 'find myself' and in doing this I have found a church that I like going to (which is really exciting to me because it has been decades since I have found any meaning in organized religion). I have started exercising again, even though I will probably never reach some of my earlier goals, I am at least trying to get healthy. 

In recent weeks, okay this past week, I have found myself back up in my studio doing some quilting and quilt designing, which I haven't had the energy or drive or spark to do in so long that I truly can't remember when. I'm excited about creating again, and that feels good. 

I'm starting to think about what I want out of life and trying to find that balance between being a good worker bee and being the artist that I know is somewhere inside me. 

So, back to the original question...what has changed in the last year? 

A lot and not enough. I am coming to grips with who I am and who I can be. While I am still pretty self-deprecating, I'm learning to love myself again. I cry...a lot...and mostly at good things. I admit that I'm sad and alone sometimes but I don't let it get me down, much. I'm happy, though, that I am alone because I do not have to consider somebody else when making plans, or not making plans. Don't get me wrong, I would still love to have somebody in my life and I'm still looking, but if it doesn't happen, I think I'll be okay with that.....it'll just mean that my niece and nephew get to take care of me in my old age. 

So, to wrap it all up with a pretty bow..... I'm continually trying to change and improve myself. It is a never-ending process of self-discovery and awakening and acceptance. Oh! And I'm no longer as stressed as I was and in general, I'm pretty happy. 


4 comments:

SAngRiA Smiles said...

you have come a LONG LONG LONG (had to change that from 1 long to 3 for emphasis) since last year. You really have. It's nice sometimes to sit back and think about where you were. Man, that was a terrible period. You are definitely out on the other side and have a much better perspective on what you want/need out of life to be happy. Congrats :)

Jay said...

Double Ditto what Sara has to say!!!! I think my baby is growing up!!!! Love you!

Jane said...

Love this recap

Diane said...

Change is hard